My Obsession ... Peanut Butter

Hello, my name is Jack and I'm an addict. My parents unwittingly let the beast out of its cage in giving me a taste of peanut butter. It was just a spoon-full, but it was enough. Now I want it on EVERYTHING. We're talking bread, waffles, my finger, anything I can get them to put it on ... I have to have it.

I can actually taste it right now; that smooth, smooth consistency, that rich, creamy taste. It's like God came down and placed that sweet nectar into that Jiff jar just for me. Who am I to deny divine intervention?

My parents said that after doing some soul-searching that they've come to the conclusion that they're enabling my addition. They say they're going to ween my off the PB slowly, a little bit at a time. Why should I be denied this sweet source of protein? If you haven't caught on, this isn't really the ramblings of an addict; it's actually a plea for help. Don't let them do this to me. Don't let them take away the one thing I'd trade a warm bottle of milk for.

Help me. My name's Jack and I love peanut butter.

This Night Was All Treats and No Tricks, Well Maybe One

OK, can every day be Trick or Treat? I got to wear a costume (Nemo, which if you were able to solve my riddle from a couple of weeks ago makes you the big winner), stay out late and eat candy, candy, candy.

Mommy, Daddy and my Grammie took me over to John and Elizabeth's house before Trick or Treat and they gave me a football and a $1 million dollar bill (and no, I'm not lending you and money). They loved my costume, so I knew it was going to be a classic night.

After that, we went over to Brian and Melissa's and had dinner before we went door-to-door for dessert. The first house I went to, I got Smarties and a sucker. I've never had a sucker before and Mommy let me have at it. Ladies and gentlemen, the kid's a natural. Without any prior training, I took the thing down.

I only made it to three different houses before I was cashed out. I mean when you people walk a few blocks with your long legs, it's nothing. But me? My legs are like a third as long as an adults, so I pretty much walked the equivalent of eight miles going to just a few houses. Talk about working for your candy.

Did I also mention I got to meet an actual cow, in a subdivision no less? Just as the night was getting started, this little cow walked up and was holding a candy bag. Everyone says it was a kid in a costume, but I know what I saw. That was a cow no bigger than me and it was walking on two legs. It was unbelievable.

While the night was all about candy, it wasn't without its creepy moment. It was dark and we were sitting in Brian and Melissa's driveway, me hanging out on Grammie's lap, when this man walks up and just looks at us for a moment before coming up to us and just stood there with a hood on that covered up his face. After a few seconds of silence, Mommy eventually tossed a couple of pieces of candy in his bad just to get the guy on his way. He then walked aimlessly up and down the street for a couple of minutes, just staring at houses in the dark. Needless to say, your boy needed a diaper change after that one.

All in all, I think my first Halloween going out Trick or Treating was a resounding success. I got candy, got to meet a cow and even got the bejesus scared out of me a little bit. What more could you ask for?